Running, Dave, and Frank

2002-11-21T14:24:00.000-08:00

i am sure there are deep and insightful things in my head, i just can't think of them right now. i am way too annoyed that the system is meessed up and i can't sign up for classes. grr.

2002-11-14T22:31:00.000-08:00

i like sunny days.

2002-11-14T09:27:00.000-08:00

omg, i made good coffee. this never happens.

2002-11-05T18:09:00.000-08:00

and there was no more.

2002-11-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

my life is soooooo fucking weird. i am not kidding.

2002-11-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

such a strange society we live in... so very strange.

2002-11-03T00:16:00.000-08:00

i wonder a lot of things. in 7th grade i even wrote a whole poem with almost every single damn line starting with "i wonder" whereupon i was told "you wonder too much!" tonight i am wondering... does it seem like life is full of nothing but the same thing over and over again, just slightly different each time? the same words and phrases come at me again and again... do i get to gain wisdom from this? insight into the depths of the soul? anything? i wonder that too... i have letters from friends, words in my head from friends where the same lines are repeated over and over... and what does this mean to me? how is it that so many people can say the same words in the same situations and in the same tones and mean so many different things? maybe it isn't so much that the same things are happening again and again, i am just not seeing them correctly. is my vision too limited? do i try to classify things into neat little boxes so that i can understand them that much better and not take the time to really investigate each one individually? or is it really that everything just echos over and over and over... sometimes i wonder.
i wonder a lot of things.

2002-11-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

i'm fallling
she catches me
cradles and kisses me
drops me into infinity
to hit bottom
and die

2002-10-30T23:18:00.000-08:00

russ, this is for you. Jack in the Box. :-)

2002-10-30T18:12:00.000-08:00

yay for wednesday phone calls... yay for dressing up... yay for having my friends tell me i looked cute... yay for being able to start a new journal because i finally got through the last one... yay for a homecooked meal on friday night... yay for midterms being over on friday... yay for thursday and little kids coming around dressed up all cute begging for food... yay for my family... yay for sweaters keeping me warm... yay for naps on sunny afternoons... yay for subjects taught by good professors... yay for many things. :-)

2002-10-29T20:16:00.000-08:00

i think i looked cute today. hopefully someone (besides my suitemate) noticed. :-)

2002-10-28T19:52:00.000-08:00

it's easy to say "i don't care."

2002-10-28T19:32:00.000-08:00

i hate midterms ever so much. i hate running ever so much. i hate the u.s. census ever so much. i hate chemistry the most of all, even though i am not taking it. i still like linguistics though. at least i am still good at that.

2002-10-27T17:34:00.000-08:00

Breathe Out
So I Can Breathe You In
Hold You In
-foo fighters

2002-10-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

wow... went over my blogs and they are depressing. sorry, all. :-P

2002-10-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

and here i was thinking we were all detatched and whatnot. i prefer to know you only through other people. don't touch me.

2002-10-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

Your first name of Elisabeth has given you a very friendly, likeable nature, and you could excel in artistic, dramatic, and musical expression. With this name, you desire the finer things in life, but you do not always have the resolve and vitality to put forth the effort necessary to fulfil your desires. Your emotional feelings are easily aroused and you will always be involved in other people's problems as a result of your overly sympathetic nature. You have many disappointments as a result of extending a helping hand to others in need, and then not receiving any acknowledgement or reciprocation for your generosity. After each experience, you have to guard against feelings of despondency and self-pity. You have lofty goals and high ideals, but must incorporate more practicality, system, and concentration in order to materialize them. In health, this name affects the nervous system and also the fluid functions, giving rise to kidney or bladder weaknesses.
http://www.kabalarians.com/gkh/your.htm

2002-10-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

He stared at the ground
His screams were muffled-
The stifling silence-

He pounded his fists against
Everything and nothing
And collapsed to the ground
Sobbing and heaving-
While stoically standing
Frozen in time-
In subzero silence-

And she said... nothing.

2002-10-22T22:56:00.000-07:00

trip off to bed, my english paper no further than before although i have a lot of it talked out.

sometimes i get the feeling that even if i tried really hard, i still couldn't get it right.

2002-10-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

hmmm... strange dreams last night... so strange... so weird... no more dave matthews band for a while. i am mad at dave. :-P

2002-10-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

check out "The Red" by Chevelle... i have been finding the coolest songs watching late night mtv when i can't sleep. :-)

2002-10-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

you know i'd never leave you but
believe me i'll deceive you and
tear you from the inside out
until your seams rip open
and you fall apart.

2002-10-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

If you spin your love around
The secrets of your dreams
You may find your love is gone
And is not quite what it seemed
To appear to disappear
Beneath all your darkest fears

I believe in never, I believe in all the way
But belief is not to notice, belief is just some faith
And faith can't help you to escape
-smashing pumpkins

2002-10-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

Everybody asks me how she's doing
Has she really lost her mind?
I said, I couldn't tell you
I've lost mine

-dmb

(this song is in my head... INSANITY!!!)

2002-10-18T22:48:00.000-07:00

my sister is so absolutely cute! i am home for the weekend and it is going to be a BLAST! (i look really cute right now too... my sister put glitter all over my face... ;-) so anyway... i get to run around and see people and hang out with my sister and drive her to homecoming and whatnot. it will be most excellent. i am thrilled. did i ever mention my addiction to chocolate...?

2002-10-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

there are so many things i love. really. there are so few things i really come close to hating. oscar the grouchy printer is one of those few things.

2002-10-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

i am tired.
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/cold/shesaid.html
this song is in my head
and on my radio
and english will drive me to insanity
and
i am tired.

2002-10-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

so much to do!!!!!!!!! ah, well. such is life. gives me a sense of purpose. that and i can work on perfecting the art of procrastination. must puchase folders for work.

2002-10-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

oatmeal not as good as usual this morning. ah, well... still delicious. :-) i am so going to hate oatmeal soon. yay for home and cereal!

2002-10-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

and sometimes what you get is what you get- you can't ask for anything more or anything less. so, a year goes by and things go from bad to worse to super worse to bad to good. you had to have thought about me on sunday- i was thinking about you. slowly deleting you from my thoughts- one by one and there you go... because i am gone too.

2002-10-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

There once was a girl named Kate
Who had a hot homecoming date
Though he resembled a puffin
He was a stud muffin
And they had a great time and danced 'till late

-my sister

2002-10-14T18:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think she's my everything-
I love her more than I love myself.
I think that I can see my soul
Twisted and tied in her pretty head-
I want her more than I've wanted anything-
But she's so far and I cannot reach...

2002-10-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

hum, feeling a bit restless from too much homework. good thing i am going to go and put money in my bank account in about 40 minutes. that'll be a nice walk, there and back. stupid bank. grr. my thumb feels weird, too. blah. oh, and english 202 really sucks. :-) i am reading this paper, and seriously, i can't believe she wrote this when she was either completely sober and or awake. my sister writes better than this girl, and my sister is about 4 years younger. ah, well. i am just annoyed. :-P enough work put into editing this paper. i think she'll kill me for all of the marks on it now. more like one big red ink blot than a one page attempt at a rough draft. i am evil. :-)

2002-10-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

"Death, thou shalt die." - John Donne

2002-10-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

i can't find my watch!!! sad!!! luckily kristin has an extra. :-)

2002-10-11T07:54:00.000-07:00

I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!!!!!

2002-10-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

starved for ideas. trying to write a poem, but the topic is too crappy to mention. silly people in my classes keep calling me the wrong name (my full, not the nickname) even when i freaking tell them my name is beth, NOT elisabeth. AND my name is spelled with an "S" not a "Z". we need uniform name spellings. "yes, i know my name looks like it says marvin, but it is pronounced ingrid." yeah, enough of that. i knew a girl once with a name spelled "meghanne". a few too many letters. i really do like the way it is spelled though, with an s. very nice. i got some crazy ass tea, plus it is decaf. that should be good. caramel creme. or something. i dunno, haven't tried it yet. too hot. so yeah, enough for me, i am all out. i am spilling over. i have crossed the line. i am bored. i hate poetry. i need sleep. i hate colds. i need sleep. i love speed (and i know what you think, you silly silly people). i need sleep. i am done.

2002-10-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

more effort to write perhaps when i am not so tired. i get all weird when i am tired, mainly because i can't think straight. maybe just because more just gets to me. or i am emotional. or something. running going well. school going well. run run school school. yeah. end.

2002-10-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

i have a really wonderful friend who says i need to put happy things in my journal. sometimes i think i am a dreamer and i spend too much time in my dream world and not enough in the real world. but the world needs dreamers- it needs all kinds of people. i've been told that falling in love is easy, once you find the person with whom you are supposed to fall in love. i want someone to pick for me. i want someone to fill the intense lonliness i can't fill... i want to be whole. and i wonder if i can't just do it myself... fill in my void for myself. i wonder why i have a cold now and why my tea really isn't all that good. i am all that is right and i am all that is wrong with myself. i am me, and that is all there is to it. i think i have fallen and i need to get up. but while i am here i am going to watch the clouds pass across the sky, feel the sun on my stomach, sleep in the grass, and just try to find me. it's in there somewhere. i just don't know where. i am so lucky, having some of the best friends in the world who love me for everything that i am and the person i am growing up to become. i love you. i love you so much.

2002-10-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

i don't know what the hell i was thinking writing the entry i just deleted.

2002-10-08T08:35:00.000-07:00

RUSS IS SO WAY SUPER COOL!!!!!

2002-10-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

"I honor English majors. It's a dumb thing to major in. It leads nowhere. It's good to be dumb, it allows us to love something for no reason. That's the best kind of love." from Wild Mind, by Natalie Goldberg

2002-10-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

i am all that is right
and i am all that is wrong with myself.

2002-10-06T17:39:00.000-07:00

please don't block my sunlight...

2002-10-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

and then sometimes things just kind of make one suddenly have the ability to understand that one needs to pull one's life together.

2002-10-03T17:35:00.000-07:00

you don't know what it's like
i feel like nothing at all
you don't know what it's like

2002-10-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

i am about 118-119!!!! yay!!!! i weighed myself today around 2pm. that was with having eaten lunch, too. :-)

2002-10-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

i'll try to make this post more upbeat... maybe even a little on the happy side. i am eating oatmeal and drinking tea right now, which is way super cool. oh, i think i also have the coolest roommate ever. my oatmeal turned out just right... i have a lot of homework tonight but i think it is managable... i have to buy a soc book today (stupid bookstore line was too long yesterday! you think people would have their books by now! oh, wait... ) and then read three freaking chapters out of it. wait... this is tipping into not happy. keep it happy. i seriously have some of the best friends in the entire world... AND i think i am seriously going to buy some coffee today. i need to go to the store so i can make my own in the morning... but there is this place like 2 miles away that has really good coffee. i have to go by there this weekend cause a store near by has a pair of shoes i need to return. they really hurt my feet a lot, which i think is an excellent reason to return them. homework time is limited today... that's okay. meeting lots of cool people, but not being social! this is awful. yay for the weekend! well... in a couple of days. must be social. okay. enough. ps haha, the quiz is still up on the fridge, we just have yet to print the picture. ;-)

2002-09-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

there isn't anywhere to go but up...

all of these dangerous games i play...

2002-09-28T19:30:00.000-07:00

i am tired again. too much being tired. i don't like being so tired all of the time. maybe i'll quit running. maybe i should start sleeping. but what the hell... i don't know. i need to use up this icky brown sugar i have. i think i am consistantly under 120 now... i hope so... it is seeming so to me. i need to make sure i can keep it there through the winter. i think i should be able to do it. blah. need to call my high school cross coach. catch him when he isn't tired. maybe i'll catch me when i am not tired. run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me unless you run faster than i do and then you shouldn't have any problem. like right now.

2002-09-27T18:33:00.000-07:00

i think i am too tired to do my english homework. i think i am too tired to care... stupid xc... no sleeping in for me. :-P (karl, maybe coffee does do something for me... i dunno... either that or sleep deprivation has kicked in...)

2002-09-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

i think i miss the obvoius, and then make up stuff on the side for the hell of it. i don't know... my dreams have been creeping me out the last month or so. there have been some good dreams, but for the most part they are just plain weird. i don't get it. as far as i know, i need to get more sleep, but being nocturnal and running and classes... it isn't working well. i guess my dreams are creative... but i don't know. i also have too much emotional energy. again. need somewhere to waste it... and now that i don't have a car i can't drive around by myself on the highway with the music cranked up and sing at the top of my lungs. oh well. i'll find something.

2002-09-15T23:58:00.000-07:00

i so ask for so much of this... oh well. whatever.

2002-09-15T23:43:00.000-07:00

http://www.lyricsstyle.com/l/limpbizkit/breakstuff.html

2002-09-15T00:02:00.000-07:00

one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty. staring at walls... maybe the ceiling. maybe the floor, but moving requires so much effort... hum... i think i'll lock myself somewhere. drop me a pbj, if you get around to it.

2002-09-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

yay!! went to a club for the first time two nights ago. i was told my brand of dancing didn't really fit in with what we were listening too, but then again, its me. what can i say? i was the only girl out of 4 that went that guys really didn't try to dance with (except one, and that is apprecieated!! :-P) but then again i don't think my dancing was partner friendly. oh well... ever so much fun. dancing for hours and then going to bed about 3:30... fell asleep around 4, and then getting up at 10. :-) makes me a happy camper. i love dancing ever so much, as anyone in the kitchen could have told you last night. :-P annnyway... bellingham is getting better, just when i have to leave. sad, but hey. i am back in a couple of days. i get to go out to dinner with my mom tomorrow night! we are going to dress up and do the whole bit. i think that should be fun. sometimes it is ever so much fun to dress up and go out to dinner. so i'll make an effort. anyway, i am on a drive to ellensburg in about 2 hours, so i should finish my run (the whole 3/4 of a mile i have left!!) and get ready to race tomorrow. :-) sad day, my legs are tired. hmm...

2002-09-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

hmm... almost nice to be back in bellingham. i really want to move in, though. tired of living out of a suitcase, as i have been doing for almost three weeks now. i have to do it for another week, and then THANKFULLY i will MOVE IN!!! running was horrible yesterday. worst run in a while, but that is okay. not every workout can be a good workout... BUT I WANT THEM TO BE GOOD!! blah blah, whine whine, bitch bitch. i just need to remember that i can't run as fast as i want to be running quite yet because i haven't done enough training. that is okay. maybe by next year i will be okay dokey. hmm, practice in 40 minutes. i am leaving the computer lab in 10 to go lift weights. i so seriously need to start lifting more often... like at least twice a week. once winter training starts i'll up it to three times... but i am so weak! it is ever so sad. my muscles in my arms of which i am normally ever so proud (aka i have some) are not really there. my arms get tired before my legs do when i race. haha, oh well. i also need to run lots of hills this winter... hill repeats. i am very weak still, although much much much more fit than i was during the beginning of the summer. i just need to remember that. i have come a long ways, but still have a long ways to go. oh, and by the by, I DECLARED MY MAJOR YESTERDAY!!! I AM AN ENGLISH MAJOR!! alright all. enjoy.

2002-09-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

hello sports fans... today, i am not running. :-D oh i am happy... first day off in two weeks. much needed, i must add. i ran 2.5 yesterday and called it good. my goal is to not kill my legs this season. i like to do that... so i think i am going to make my easy days shorter and my long days longer. not by a lot, but enough so it works out. :-) annnyway... last night i went out to dinner (here you go, i am mentioning you!!) with a good friend of mine. it was really very nice. he also gave me a birthday card with DAVE on the front (:-D). i am dressed all funny today. well, i think i look okay, but evidently whatever i think looks decent tends to be a little on the bizzare side for everyone else. if i ever get married, it is going to have to be to someone that has fashion sense, otherwise i am screwed. hahaha, really. anyway, time to take the dog to the vet. :-) alright.

2002-09-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

carlos santana guitar and dave matthews voice... very sexy. :-D

2002-09-07T21:53:00.000-07:00

running going fairly well. :-) i am happy with my race today, which is good. camp went well. i got to hang out with excititng running people and eat ever so much. lordy, all we did was eat and run. :-) oh well, food is good. just as long as i stay under 120, i will be okay. hum, okay. i am ever so excited i am going to belling-the-other-white-meat this week. will be ever so much fun. well, off to hang out with my sister. ;-)

2002-09-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

dreams are such weird things. i have been having really weird dreams again lately. i don't know what to make of dreams... some people say that dreams are manifestations of desires... others, your brain on auto-pilot. i have dreams a lot about things that bother me... for a while this year i was having dreams about apologizing to someone for hurting them. now my dreams are just random and vivid. kinda creepy... i dream in technicolor, complete with touch, taste, and sound. unfortunately i spend a great deal of time in my dreams being confused. i dont' like that... no, i really HATE the dreams where i am trying not to fall asleep. those are some of the worst. the worst ones though, are the ones where i know i am dreaming and i can't get myself to wake up. i try so hard, and no matter how hard i try, i can't wake up. it is really scary. random thought of the night. okay, xc camp this week. hope everything goes well.

Leo - Hide your feelings if they're unacceptable. Nobody wants to play the radical honesty game. When you put your thoughts in writing now, you'll have them later either to read aloud or burn quietly. (i thought that was interesting... hum)

2002-08-31T19:13:00.000-07:00

i am under 120 again!!! well, just by the tiniest bit, but still. that is a major improvement. hopefully by the end of cross i can be to 117 or something. sounds good to me. annnnyway... it was so good to go to bellingham today. i really am getting excited about going back to school. i am even excited about xc camp, which i really wasn't looking foreward to. our team looks like it might be okay this year... not very deep, but we could pull off some cool stuff. my race today was okay, know i can do better. got too see some teammates whom i hadn't seen i a while. talked to a girl on my team who just moved in with her boyfriend. i mean, she's happy and whatnot.
the older i get the younger i feel. i mean, right now i am making decisions that are *supposed* to be affecting the rest of my life, but i dunno. i mean, i can barely remember where things are in my home town (omg i had such a brain fart yesterday... pathetic!!) let alone decide wtf i want to major in, find a boyfriend, find a job, get married... omg, i am soo going to keep taking my teddy bear on the train and buy pepsi and chocolate chip cookies while traveling. i seriously keep feeling younger. maybe i am getting younger. goo-goo ga-ga. *spit bubble*

ps i impressed all of the football players in the training room with my 20/20 vision. :-)

2002-08-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

yay for an insurance mistake. :-)

2002-08-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

hmmm... had a fun trip. way too hot for a girl like me, growing up in the PNW... ah, well. at least it didn't rain. drive back today was good. first race on saturday, watching little sis race tomorrow morning (team time trial), and i still have to pack for school. lordy, i got mail today telling me i pretty much don't have any insurance anymore. fuck. oh well, i just won't get sick, break anything, or need dental work. annnyway... um, yeah. time to do some writing. bye for now.

2002-08-26T22:53:00.000-07:00

having in fun in san francisco!!

2002-08-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

okay, sorry everyone. i freaked out today, but i have managed to calm down. had a super evening watching babes in bikinis slide down waterpark slides on tv. lordy, the life i lead. ANYWAY... watch out, because i will steal your soul. already stole one tonight, although i am not exactly certain what i am going to be doing with it. haha, one of my friends (the one without a soul! bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!! <--that is an evil laugh, btw) had copied a ton of my away messages, printed them out, and gave them to me. omg, it was great!! i'm still keeping his soul, though. um, leaving on a trip in a few days... well, like on friday so less than a few. my room is a wreck and i am working forever tomorrow and i have to run still. so i am going to have to get up early early to do my run, plus early early on friday morning to run hills at the nearby jr high. then i am driving down to vancouver in the evening. FIRST RACE IN A LITTLE OVER A WEEK!!! I AM NOT READY!!! it appears however i have no choice. maybe i will just steal the souls of my opponents... but then they would be lighter and thereby run faster. hmmm... something to think about... anyway... um, that is about all out of me today. not freaking out anymore, i am at peace. hell, no time anyway!! love you all... really. well, almost all of you... :-D

2002-08-21T15:13:00.000-07:00

i am falling...

2002-08-21T15:06:00.000-07:00

I am only trying not to fall asleep
In this reality I am dreaming...
Walking around this world of mine
With my eyes wide shut.
Losing myself in the blinding darkness,
Living with the notion that
I am slowly dying.

2002-08-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

i ran a hard 10 today... omg i am so tired. my last mile was like 6:20 or something like that. i am not hungry and i haven't eaten dinner yet. don't know if i can choke anything down. i think i am almost ready to race xc... i so want to be varsity, but we'll see what happens. is 10pm too late for dinner? i think i am going to sleep in tomorrow... until like 8!! ack, tomorrow is going to be scary. action packed and full of adventure... or not. but i am eating lunch with my mom!! that will be fun. i get to use her computer at work, and hopefully be able to access my school website from there, since it doesn't work from my house. argh. however, i am going out with a friend tomorrow evening to do something. we don't know what yet, but it should be way much fun. :-)
i don't know what to do with myself. i am thinking of quitting school and becoming a hermit on a beach somewhere, a la tom hanks in castaway, minus the plane crash and whatnot. i could look all buff (me minus extra fatty matter) and be sooooo fit... wow. but then who would i race against? running by myself forever might get a little boring. neh, something to think about. i still don't know what to do with myself though. oh, and notice how everything revolves around running? haha. sad, isn't it?
okay, mission for this year: no messy situations.
next: i need some air.
words of wisdom: run hard and turn left
finally: i will survive this.

ps: maybe i will stop sleeping. i am not sure if i am down with all of these crazy dreams i keep having. not okay with the dreams where i wake up but am still half asleep thinking there is someone in my house that is going to kill me. that and graphic death/dead people dreams. but everyonce in a while i get a helluva cool dream... PLEASE I WANT ONE TONIGHT!!

2002-08-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

suddenly because i want some stuff back i am a pain in the ass? lordy.

2002-08-18T20:47:00.000-07:00

mmm... i am tired. had a fab vacation at the beach (in oregon, so it was freaking cold!!) and today i am legal in canada. FINALLY. all excited about that. got some calls today from friends- it was so super. hadn't talked to one of them in a couple of months. it is really cool when people randomly remember your birthday. :-) waited for a phone call today i didn't get, although i wasn't expecting it anyway. got "before these crowded streets" from my sister (i love her sooooo much!!) and some flogging molly, although i think my mom is more into their music than i am. in fact, i know they are. my mom tricked me into shopping today... evil. although i did cave in and buy some stuff... i hate shopping ever so much.
for the hell of it i collect cows, so a running theme in gifts i receive is COWS. lord, if only they made cow things that were practical. i did get an apron, though (who the f*ck came up with white aprons?!) and a nifty ben and jerrys "one sweet whirled" shirt. ahhh... ever so super. i got several email cards (oh how i love you all!! thank you!!!) and an email message from my cousin which was unexpected. i didn't even know he knew when my birthday is. made me smile... :-) anyway... i am sure i should be doing something productive (shit i have to pack for college this week!!!) or something. therefore, time to make a phone call. :-P

2002-08-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

2002-08-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

i had nothing more to give...
i gave it all to you
my all and my everything
and there i sat,
my empty soul-
bleeding slowly
bleeding ever so slowly...
bleeding it all away-

2002-08-14T22:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.songmeanings.net/showsong.php?id=5289

2002-08-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

i come home for summer, eat less and healthier, and gain weight. wtf?! i don't think i am EVER going to get my weight down to hs weight again. fuck that.
argh
btw, my birthday is in FOUR DAYS!!!

2002-08-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

today i like running. good run. and i am crunching ice. it is so bad for my teeth, omg. i hope i didn't leave my shoes outside. that would suck. i suppose i could look... but neh. whatever. okay enough of this nonsense.

2002-08-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

ran a workout yesterday and have a long run today. argh, i HATE running when it is so hot!! deep down i am really just a big wimp, but i try to cover it up by running a bunch. heat no agree with me. off to the store later today to buy some bananas, deposit a check, and get a white t-shirt for decorating. got the big one-nine coming up on sunday... need to make a t-shirt to let the world know. i am all excited, anyway. :-) hmmm... if crunching ice is a sign of sexual frustration, i must be the most sexually frustrated person i know. but check out "downfall" by trust company. way super cool. that and lemonade mixed with sprite. ;-)

2002-08-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

"Downfall"

Fear in me so deep it gets the best of me,
In the fear I fall, here it comes face to face with me,
Here I stand hold back so no one can see,
I feel these wounds, step down, step down,
step down.

(am I) Breaking Down
Can I break away
Push me away, make me fall,
Just to see, another side of me,
Push me away, you can see,
what I see, the other side of me.

Fall back on me, and I’ll be the strength I need,
to save me now, just come face to face with me,
stay in place you'll be the first to see, me heal these wounds,
step down, step down, step down, down

I’m not breaking, down
can I break away
push me away, make me fall,
just to see another side of me,
push me away you can see,
what I see, the other side of me

Go!

Fall, can I break away
push me away, make me fall,
just to see another side of me,
push me away you can see,
what I see, the other side of me

No one can see anything on the other side of me
I walk, I crawl, loosing everything and waiting for the downfall
No one can see everything on the other side of me
I walk, I crawl loosing everything on the downfall.
Downfall, Fall.
Downfall, Trust Company

2002-08-12T23:53:00.000-07:00

um, starting to panic about leaving for school. AHHHHH!! i hate not having a place to consistantly live. it drives me nuts, actually. i hate moving stuff back and forth all of the time... all of the time meaning twice a year. speaking of heading back to school i really should start going through all of my things. blah, that doesn't sound like fun to me. i am so seriously not going to go through the stuff in my closet i have had FOREVER until my dad threatens me with death or something. he made me start going through some boxes yesterday. i am going to have to go through some stuff tomorrow and figure what else i need for school. i have a week and a half left to pack and what have i done thus far? um, nothing!! omg, not going to think about it or i am going to panic. doesn't take much, really. :-) a week and a half, then road trip to california... then xc camp and back and forth 'tween school and home for about 2 weeks. hum... oh well. enough of this nonsense. i think it is just about bedtime...

2002-08-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

oh my gosh, i feel like all i do sometimes is eat and sleep. i tried to go for a two hour nap today and promptly got up and ate. oh, i forgot one part, let me start over.
oh my gosh, i feel like all i do sometimes is eat, sleep, and run. i tried to go for a two hour nap today and promptly got up and ate. then my sister and i are leaving for cross country practice (for her, not me. i'll run like 2 or 3 miles and sit around for 45 minutes then do my workout tonight). see what i mean? i hardly work right now, too. *le sigh* haha, oh well. no complaints. college isn't much better, except you add homework and class into that mix and hey. look, i am so sorry, i am not awake and probably won't remember anything i am typing in a few minutes. i can hardly get my mind around anything at the moment. so i am just randomly typing because people tell me they read this thing, so here you go. something to read. something to read to read to read. i got an email from my cousin... :-) i am a happy camper. um, yeah. peace.

2002-08-11T22:54:00.000-07:00

some days i seriously hate running. days when it is hard to run three miles for some reason or another... those are the days i hate running. blah, i am whining. oh well. not much else going on in my life, just starting to deal with the fact that i am going back to school pretty soon. i really wish my friends all didn't live 20-30 minutes away from me because it makes it a lot harder to get together randomly to do random things. not like there is a lot to do around here anyway. tonight went out for coffee and a walk with a guy i knew from high school. always nice to see people you haven't seen in a few months. but enough staying up late for me for a bit. haha, okay i say that now, but whatever. on friday night i was up til 3:30-4:00 in the morning and last night (sat) up until 1:30 or so. today i think my run was so horrible because i was so tired. so i have been medicating myself with food and seem to be recovering somewhat. tonight, sleep and tomorrow, blah workout. argh!! oh well, if it makes me faster, i care not. i am becoming random. i am so tired. okay, off to bed for me i think for tonight. nighty-night, don't let the bed bugs bite.

afterthought: why isn't bite spelled bight?

2002-08-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
My Stupid Mouth, John Mayer

2002-08-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

today while waiting for my dad to come pick me up ( i had bought dinner for us) two cute guys in a car offered to give me a ride. go me!!! must have done something right today. (either that or they noticed the food.)

2002-08-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

sister to me:
look at this leg. doesn't it make you want to go eat beef or something? or maybe pork. no, that would be my rump.
me: ?!
:-) damn, i love that girl. doesn't make any sense, but hey. what are sisters for? ;-)

2002-08-08T23:27:00.000-07:00

i think i am too tired to write tonight. a good movie to see though, is "but i'm a cheerleader". provided of course you are okay with the whole gay/lesbian thing... there is a lot in there to make you uncomfortable if you aren't. i don't think my sister was too okay with it. worth renting, though. :-)

2002-08-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

i need to be more creative than song lyrics. i was trying to figure out how to edit this last song, but i didn't know where to cut it. it is so cool! reminds me of being a little kid listening to music in the car. i am so glad that i didn't do most of my growing up in the 80's. i don't know what i would have listened to. punk would have been too underground for me and madonna?! lord, no. hair bands?! even worse!! i was talking to my cousin who is 29 and he said the 80's was horrible. not until nirvana and pearl jam and all that kind of stuff came out was he really happy with some good music to listen to. i would have gone insane... i am lucky that i have a wide range to choose from, plus dave wasn't around in the 80's. i am NOT obsessed, i just think he (and the rest of the band) is helluva cool. but enough about that. umm.... my tongue hurts. that isn't good... i seriously need to remember to make a dentist appointment tomorrow. ack, i have to get up at like 7:15 tomorrow so my body is awake enough to run 5 miles. i can take a day off this week and still run 45 or 46 miles. which is cool... although i think i am getting a little double-o-c. ("out of control" for those of you non xc girls) don't know what i am doing... ah, well. i have a day off on friday, that should help out my legs a bit. :-) okay, as exciting as this is... enough for tonight. have a good one, all. :-)

2002-08-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Reflected in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

Once the world was new
Our bodies felt the morning dew
That greets the brand new day
We couldn't tear ourselves away
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you still remember
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Love was all we knew
And all I knew was you
I wonder if you know
I wonder if you think about it
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
And when the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Mirrored in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
Your Wildest Dreams, The Moody Blues

brings back memories...

2002-08-05T22:57:00.000-07:00

mmm... nothing exciting in my life at the moment... and i really do think i enjoy it that way. although i am not too bothered by a bit of excitement here and there. i really ought to get around to doing laundry. either that, or i should look into purchasing a laundry hamper. i think i need to do that anyway. i don't think my roommate would be thrilled with a pile of dirty running things on the floor in our room. hell, i don't like having a pile of dirty running things on the floor of my room here at home. oh well... if i wasn't so lazy...
um, interesting things, interesting things. lime is an interesting tasting thing... i am not sure whether i like it or not just plain. i think i prefer to squirt the juice in something. i am really reaching for things to write about tonight. um... ran a decent workout today, it was good. kicked my ass anyway... then went to xc practice with my freaking amazing sister in hopes of getting in an extra 2 miles or so when coach says "hey elisabeth, can you take care of my guys?" so i spend the next 20 minutes with his youngest child, 4 i think, on my back sneaking up on the eldest, almost 7. boys drive me nuts... but i love them anyway. well... except for a selected few... :-)
geez... i need some excitement to write about. if anyone would like to lend me some, but not TOO exciting, please let me know. i need to get on my school computer, then i can post some more depressing poetry of mine. ah, breakups do great things for the creative genius. peace.

2002-08-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Seems the road less traveled
Show's happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That's what you gotta do
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
You're stretching out your arms to something that's just not there
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about or love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
-If You Could Only See, Tonic

2002-08-04T22:34:00.000-07:00

If you're lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I will be waiting
Time after time
-i don't remember the artist

2002-08-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

tired of bad dreams... i think maybe i'm not going to sleep anymore. i'll just stay up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... maybe i'll start a fight club. screw this running thing. rather roll anyway. #

2002-08-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

lately i have been posting stuff that isn't regular sentences... just felt more like putting those down than telling all about everything... geez, i mean, how much do you really want to hear about my running anyway?! haha! alright, as for running, my sister is freaking amazing!! i figure i have one more solid year on her, and then when we go to races together i'm going to have to haul ass to beat her. unless of course i make some major improvements myself. being able to consistently run faster than my sister shouldn't be a main motivation for me to train hard, but damn when your little sister is running 20:17 in AUGUST before her SOPHOMORE YEAR it is a little freaky. running for me is getting better... i no longer want to quit the sport, and in fact yesterday i ran a rather satisfactory time (about 19:49) without racing super hard. just kinda took it out easy and tried to run neg. splits. worked out pretty well... helped by the fact the last mile was downhill. neh, no worries, the first mile was pretty much uphill. but consistantly i find that when i run i go out WAY TOO HARD. speaking of going too hard... i need to tone down the miles... starting to go a little nuts, thought don't tell Tos. i value my life. :-) okay, got someone coming over to run (uh-oh i think i'm gonna hit like 47 this week... um... shhhhh!) so i should go get ready. have a good one.

2002-08-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

You talk over me
You tell me lies
It's this behavior i despise
I'm the amazing invisible girl

Look at me!
I'm a freak!
No wonder it's me
You can't really see
I'm the amazing invisible girl.

The forgotton one,
The lonely kid
They're nice to me,
But everyone is-
I'm the amazing invisible girl.

2002-08-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

I am who I am who I am well who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me...

Dancing Nancies, DMB

2002-08-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
You crush me with the things you do
I do for you anything too
Sitting smoking feeling high
In this moment it feels so right
Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'till morning comes
Watch the sunrise to fill our souls up
Drink some wine 'till we get drunk
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady
Let me drink you please
I won't spill a drop I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is it real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady
I will treat you sweetly
Adore you I mean you crush me
It's times like these
When my faith I feel
And I know how I love you
Come on
Lady
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
To each other we'll be facing
By love we'll beat back the pain we've found
You know
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside
My friend
With each moment the more I love you
Crush me
Come on
So much you have given love
That I would give you back again and again
Meaning I'll hold you
And please let me always

Crush, Dave Matthews Band
this song is for those of us who need any sort of excuse to throw ourselves on the floor at the feet of anyone that is nearby. :-) but this is a pretty damn cool song, even if it wasn't an excust to fling myself at the floor. god, i love college.

2002-08-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

i would like to apologize for the poor quality of writing. i wrote that after i had done a hard workout and wasn't feeling quite all there. note to self: do not eat frosting and then do a hard long run. :-)

2002-07-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

i am never going to fall in love... i've decided.

2002-07-31T16:47:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder what other people think of me... like if how i think people feel about me compares to how they really do feel. it isn't one of those things you can ask people, like "hey, do you really like me or are you being nice about it?" because out of politeness if they really didn't like you they would lie anyway. i don't think i would really want to know anyway. although having people be more upfront about how they are feeling would be nice. at my house, if you are upset with someone else, you don't say anything about it, but rather try to hint that something is wrong. it doesn't work that way with other people at their houses or in their personal lives, and i think sometimes the people that i know can sense it in me that this is how i operate and don't say stuff. i think it is interesting to see how people react to me, and conversly how i react towards them.
running is getting better... i ran way too fast yesterday so today's run wasn't so hot. well, it was pretty damn hot outside (okay, silly joke time... sorry) but my run didn't feel so good. ran with a friend of mine. it was good to run with someone else, although at this stage in my running i think i prefer to run by myself when i do workouts. easy runs, what the hell. but i tend to not be as mentally in it if i am running with someone else. still working on the running confidence thing. anyway, speaking of running, i think i have another two miles or so to do. ttfn.
F.T.G.

2002-07-31T00:56:00.000-07:00

QUOTE OF THIS WEEK:
karl says:
in the fridge
karl says:
i'm going to get some

(haha, love you karl! :-P)

2002-07-31T00:51:00.000-07:00

When I see her eyes look into my eyes
Then I realize that she can see inside my head
So I close my eyes thinking that I could hide
Disassociate so I don't have to lose my head
The situation, is to adjatation if she cut me off
Would this be an amputation?

[Chorus:]
I don't know if I care
I'm the jerk, life's not fair
Fighting all the time
This is out of line
She loves me not, loves me not!
Do you realize I won't compromise
She loves me not, loves me not!

Over the past five years I have shed my tears
I have drank my beers and watch my fingers fly away
Then until this day you still swing my way
But its sad to say sometimes she says she loves me not
But I hesatate to tell her I hate
This relationship I wanted to date this is over

[Chorus]
Life's Not Fair
I'm the jerk!

Line for line, ryhme for ryhme
Sometimes I be writin' all the goddam time
It's makin' me sick
Relationship is gettin' ill
This your stupid man
On the lil, could you feel
What I feel, what's the deal girl
We're tearin' up each others world
We should be in harmony boy and girl
That is a promise we made
Back in the day
You told me that things wouldn't be this way
I think we should work this out
'Cause all I didn't mean is to scream and shout

[Chorus]

Life's not fair!
Life's not fair!
Life's not fair!
I'm the jerk!
Life's not fair!
She loves me not!
Loves me not!
she loves me not, papa roach